like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
