im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
