apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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