she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
