I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
