whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
