My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ladies don't puke and tell
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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