just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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