grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
