i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
