Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
