Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
