OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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