I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We need to rekindle our bromance
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
