Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
