she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
