he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
