I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
