New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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