3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
