I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
