i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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