he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
