the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
