So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
