you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
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i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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