But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
