What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize