do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
