is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
