i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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