was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
