I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
