I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
