Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
