we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
