The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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