i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dick very happy bro
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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