Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
