Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
