Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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