Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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