its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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