i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This baby is an asshole
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
