nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
