Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
