It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
