We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.