youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.