I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
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He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.