plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.