so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER