id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
