Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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