First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
