Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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