do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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