My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
