so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
two words...techno handjob
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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