I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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