he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
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Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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