i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
