i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
