Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
