you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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