Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
